Alyssa’s father wants her to settle down and become a happy wife and mother, as befitting a woman from one of the noble Houses, but Alyssa has other ideas: she wants to be an inventor. Her first invention, the crystal-powered teacup warmer, has earned her an invitation to study at the Institute and she accepts, hoping to meet her personal heroine Lady Isabelle and to be herself outside the confines of her rigid upbringing.
Left disappointed when Lady Isabelle proves to be dismissive, Alyssa is soon captivated anew by Prince Artan, who hides a secret himself and teaches Alyssa far more than the technology she's come to study. But relationships between teachers and students are forbidden by the Institute, and they aren't the only ones who will suffer should they get caught.
Left disappointed when Lady Isabelle proves to be dismissive, Alyssa is soon captivated anew by Prince Artan, who hides a secret himself and teaches Alyssa far more than the technology she's come to study. But relationships between teachers and students are forbidden by the Institute, and they aren't the only ones who will suffer should they get caught.
Excerpt:
The Institute loomed before me like a veritable palace, its gardens lush and green, hydrangeas and violets in vibrant bloom adorning neatly dug flowerbeds. I passed through great cast iron gates with haste, the driver directing the carriage at my command. Gravel crunched beneath the horses' hooves and the carriage bumped slightly as it drew to a halt.
I inhaled deeply, suddenly self-conscious about my mode of dress. My overalls were clean but hardly the kind of attire I should attend the Institute in. Father had been right when he said I should wear a dress, but the frilly pink monstrosity the servants of our house pulled from the garderobe almost made me weep in horror. In my defense, I had tried to don the gown, only to feel like a stranger in my own body. The mirror reflected an unfamiliar face back at me and I recoiled, finding the lie I'd borne in silence for years too much to endure any longer.
I tore the dress off and grabbed my overalls as my maid protested, her offense a shrill discord in my ear. My undershirt fit like a glove, my pants following soon after, followed by the loose overalls. The faint scent of grease lingered in the air, and it smelled like home, a far cry from the eye-watering perfumes Father had chosen for the occasion. I grabbed my goggles and fled from the house before he could inspect me, pressing an extra twopenny piece into the coachman's hand to make haste from the grounds. I tied my hair into a neat bun with my own hands, long used to doing things for myself without the brood of maids who wanted to make me a 'proper' lady.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the high society lady Father wanted me to be. That's why I was at the Institute in the first place—trying to maintain some sense of honor for our house. It was clear to see that I wasn't going to be a good wife, and so the only hope I could have of avoiding shame on our family name was to enter the realm of academia. I had applied to the Institute, sending them a small invention I had been working on: a heated cup that used crystal power to keep tea at its proper temperature. The crystal mines had seen an unprecedented yield over the past few years, and now a resource that was once rare and expensive was falling into the hands of common folk. It opened a whole new world of invention for me, and that was when I knew I couldn't deceive others any longer if I wanted to be happy.
I was not a lady, a mother, or a wife. I was an inventor, my only children the ideas that took form and shape in mechanisms that improved the lives of ordinary people. The heated cup was just the beginning. I had vast swathes of ideas, the gate opening wider with every crystal that fell into my possession. Father would buy me jewelry and trinkets, hoping to make me attractive to men, and I would strip them for the blue glowing stones, causing him to sigh heavily and shake his head. He had told me—many times—that I was eschewing a life of comfort with these lofty ideas, and yet I saw in his eyes a slight glimmer of pride when he laid eyes on my creations. He had protested when I had told him my plans to apply to the Institute, but in the end, he relented—although not before every hair on his head was silver.
"You should have been my son," Father had said, his eyes tired. "Fate makes cruel choices, sometimes. You will never be happy, trapped between two worlds as you are. The world does not understand such things."
"I am happy, Father," I said. "Just as long as I can be myself. That is all that matters to me." I clenched my hand into a fist. "I don't need the world to understand. I just need the freedom to do as I will."
"The Institute may not offer you that. You will be tested against many men who think themselves superior by the mere grace of being born male. You will have a mountain to climb every step of the way. You will have to work harder and be vastly more talented than they are to receive even a moment of their attention, and even then, they will want you for their wife instead of their equal."
"I don't want their attention," I said. "Besides, there are women at the Institute as well. Lady Isabelle is well regarded across the land."
"I know she is a hero to you, yet she is an outlier. Many women go to the Institute and fail."
"I know what awaits me if I let their petty words dissuade me from my path. A loveless marriage and the sham of a life pretending to be someone I'm not. Is that what you want for me, Father?"
"It doesn't have to be so cruel a fate, Alyssa. I would find for you a kind man from a lower house, someone who will treat you with respect. You don't have to marry for status—your sisters have already married well. I will give you one of my homes out in the countryside where you may do as you will so long as you complete your wifely duties. There is nothing to say you must give up inventing once you take a husband."
"Maybe I don't want a husband." The words tumbled from my lips before I could stop them. My cheeks blushed, heat rising to the tips of my ears and I realized from the shock on my father's face that I might as well finish now that I had started. "I find that both women and men capture the attention of my body and soul. How is any husband to understand that?"
"Enough!"
I had never seen Father angry before, not when I had crept from the house to attend the World's Fair, not when I had snuck away on an airship across the river to see the city of Tethia, not even when he had come shame-faced to the cells beneath the police station to bail me out over a misunderstanding with a traveling vendor on the price of crystals. His eyes seemed to bulge in their sockets, the veins on his neck standing out like cords. Sweat broke out on his brow, and for all intents and purposes he looked like a man running a deathly fever.
I stood my ground, knowing that if I ran now, I would be running from him forever. If he wished to disown me, then I had to stand and take it, or I would never be able to face what the world threw at me. I wanted to sink into the pile carpet, wrap myself in the tapestries of his office, and camouflage myself against the wall, but I stood still, waiting for him to compose his next sentence.
What escaped his mouth was only a long sigh, sad and exhausted and resigned all at once.
"Your mother was the same way," he said in a heavy voice, timbre laced with fondness and sorrow. "I loved her, but I fear she only ever tolerated me, even though I gave her the freedom to do whatever she wanted, except sharing our marriage bed with another. She desired so much more than I could give her. I had thought of offering her freedom—a separation where we would remain married, but live apart. Once you were born, I was going to let her take others into her heart, protected from the public's prying eyes by the illusion of our marriage, but she died doing a duty she had never truly wanted—giving birth. I had hoped that I could raise my children to be happier with life than she was, but I see I have failed with you. Once again I find I cannot offer that which someone needs from me. I have failed as a husband and a father."
"You have not failed," I said softly. It was rare he ever talked about Mother, the wound still so fresh in his heart, even though his loss had been at my birth, nineteen years earlier. "I am happy. But in order to remain content, I must walk the path I have chosen. I must see where it takes me. If I fail, I promise—I will come back to you and take a husband of your choosing. But let me fly, Father, please. Let me soar like Mother never could."
"Do as you must, and know you always have my personal blessing. But know also that this house cannot bear any more shame than it has. Your brother's gambling problems have pushed the tolerance of society to its limits. They speak of me ill on this side of the river and in Tethia as the father ruled by his children. They think I should take a strap to you all, whether full-grown or not. Another scandal would undo the work your sisters have done making this house respectable again."
"If I bring scandal upon this house, you have every right to disown me," I said. "I will not fight it."
"You speak so casually about it, as if your future were not at stake. To be disinherited is no small thing. You would be stripped of your name, your inheritance, your stipend, and all right to refer to your siblings and me as family. The Institute would surely drop you as if you were any other commoner, and you would have to find work to support yourself. Whether you have the soul of a man or not, your body would not last long in the crystal mines. And were you to use your feminine wiles to make an income, I fear it would break your fierce pride like no other."
"I know, Father." My voice was barely a whisper. I knew how cruel the world could be to those from the houses who found themselves nameless. To be born in poverty was cruel enough, but to grow up knowing plenty only to find oneself with nothing was even worse. Many disinherited sons and daughters of the noble houses took their own lives within twelve months, wracked with shame and hunger and regret for the sin that cast them out. I would be safer if I could focus on my work and ignore my desires entirely, but I knew my heart's weakness for those with talent and skill, and feared I might be surrounded by temptation at the Institute.
"The coachman will take you to the Institute in the morning. Go in peace, Alyssa, and know—no matter what—that you shall always be my child and that I'm very proud of you."
I did flee, then, before my tears could spill and embarrass me in front of my father. It wouldn't do to be so vulnerable now, when I had eschewed my father's protection in order to take the hard path towards my dreams.
The Institute loomed before me like a veritable palace, its gardens lush and green, hydrangeas and violets in vibrant bloom adorning neatly dug flowerbeds. I passed through great cast iron gates with haste, the driver directing the carriage at my command. Gravel crunched beneath the horses' hooves and the carriage bumped slightly as it drew to a halt.
I inhaled deeply, suddenly self-conscious about my mode of dress. My overalls were clean but hardly the kind of attire I should attend the Institute in. Father had been right when he said I should wear a dress, but the frilly pink monstrosity the servants of our house pulled from the garderobe almost made me weep in horror. In my defense, I had tried to don the gown, only to feel like a stranger in my own body. The mirror reflected an unfamiliar face back at me and I recoiled, finding the lie I'd borne in silence for years too much to endure any longer.
I tore the dress off and grabbed my overalls as my maid protested, her offense a shrill discord in my ear. My undershirt fit like a glove, my pants following soon after, followed by the loose overalls. The faint scent of grease lingered in the air, and it smelled like home, a far cry from the eye-watering perfumes Father had chosen for the occasion. I grabbed my goggles and fled from the house before he could inspect me, pressing an extra twopenny piece into the coachman's hand to make haste from the grounds. I tied my hair into a neat bun with my own hands, long used to doing things for myself without the brood of maids who wanted to make me a 'proper' lady.
I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the high society lady Father wanted me to be. That's why I was at the Institute in the first place—trying to maintain some sense of honor for our house. It was clear to see that I wasn't going to be a good wife, and so the only hope I could have of avoiding shame on our family name was to enter the realm of academia. I had applied to the Institute, sending them a small invention I had been working on: a heated cup that used crystal power to keep tea at its proper temperature. The crystal mines had seen an unprecedented yield over the past few years, and now a resource that was once rare and expensive was falling into the hands of common folk. It opened a whole new world of invention for me, and that was when I knew I couldn't deceive others any longer if I wanted to be happy.
I was not a lady, a mother, or a wife. I was an inventor, my only children the ideas that took form and shape in mechanisms that improved the lives of ordinary people. The heated cup was just the beginning. I had vast swathes of ideas, the gate opening wider with every crystal that fell into my possession. Father would buy me jewelry and trinkets, hoping to make me attractive to men, and I would strip them for the blue glowing stones, causing him to sigh heavily and shake his head. He had told me—many times—that I was eschewing a life of comfort with these lofty ideas, and yet I saw in his eyes a slight glimmer of pride when he laid eyes on my creations. He had protested when I had told him my plans to apply to the Institute, but in the end, he relented—although not before every hair on his head was silver.
"You should have been my son," Father had said, his eyes tired. "Fate makes cruel choices, sometimes. You will never be happy, trapped between two worlds as you are. The world does not understand such things."
"I am happy, Father," I said. "Just as long as I can be myself. That is all that matters to me." I clenched my hand into a fist. "I don't need the world to understand. I just need the freedom to do as I will."
"The Institute may not offer you that. You will be tested against many men who think themselves superior by the mere grace of being born male. You will have a mountain to climb every step of the way. You will have to work harder and be vastly more talented than they are to receive even a moment of their attention, and even then, they will want you for their wife instead of their equal."
"I don't want their attention," I said. "Besides, there are women at the Institute as well. Lady Isabelle is well regarded across the land."
"I know she is a hero to you, yet she is an outlier. Many women go to the Institute and fail."
"I know what awaits me if I let their petty words dissuade me from my path. A loveless marriage and the sham of a life pretending to be someone I'm not. Is that what you want for me, Father?"
"It doesn't have to be so cruel a fate, Alyssa. I would find for you a kind man from a lower house, someone who will treat you with respect. You don't have to marry for status—your sisters have already married well. I will give you one of my homes out in the countryside where you may do as you will so long as you complete your wifely duties. There is nothing to say you must give up inventing once you take a husband."
"Maybe I don't want a husband." The words tumbled from my lips before I could stop them. My cheeks blushed, heat rising to the tips of my ears and I realized from the shock on my father's face that I might as well finish now that I had started. "I find that both women and men capture the attention of my body and soul. How is any husband to understand that?"
"Enough!"
I had never seen Father angry before, not when I had crept from the house to attend the World's Fair, not when I had snuck away on an airship across the river to see the city of Tethia, not even when he had come shame-faced to the cells beneath the police station to bail me out over a misunderstanding with a traveling vendor on the price of crystals. His eyes seemed to bulge in their sockets, the veins on his neck standing out like cords. Sweat broke out on his brow, and for all intents and purposes he looked like a man running a deathly fever.
I stood my ground, knowing that if I ran now, I would be running from him forever. If he wished to disown me, then I had to stand and take it, or I would never be able to face what the world threw at me. I wanted to sink into the pile carpet, wrap myself in the tapestries of his office, and camouflage myself against the wall, but I stood still, waiting for him to compose his next sentence.
What escaped his mouth was only a long sigh, sad and exhausted and resigned all at once.
"Your mother was the same way," he said in a heavy voice, timbre laced with fondness and sorrow. "I loved her, but I fear she only ever tolerated me, even though I gave her the freedom to do whatever she wanted, except sharing our marriage bed with another. She desired so much more than I could give her. I had thought of offering her freedom—a separation where we would remain married, but live apart. Once you were born, I was going to let her take others into her heart, protected from the public's prying eyes by the illusion of our marriage, but she died doing a duty she had never truly wanted—giving birth. I had hoped that I could raise my children to be happier with life than she was, but I see I have failed with you. Once again I find I cannot offer that which someone needs from me. I have failed as a husband and a father."
"You have not failed," I said softly. It was rare he ever talked about Mother, the wound still so fresh in his heart, even though his loss had been at my birth, nineteen years earlier. "I am happy. But in order to remain content, I must walk the path I have chosen. I must see where it takes me. If I fail, I promise—I will come back to you and take a husband of your choosing. But let me fly, Father, please. Let me soar like Mother never could."
"Do as you must, and know you always have my personal blessing. But know also that this house cannot bear any more shame than it has. Your brother's gambling problems have pushed the tolerance of society to its limits. They speak of me ill on this side of the river and in Tethia as the father ruled by his children. They think I should take a strap to you all, whether full-grown or not. Another scandal would undo the work your sisters have done making this house respectable again."
"If I bring scandal upon this house, you have every right to disown me," I said. "I will not fight it."
"You speak so casually about it, as if your future were not at stake. To be disinherited is no small thing. You would be stripped of your name, your inheritance, your stipend, and all right to refer to your siblings and me as family. The Institute would surely drop you as if you were any other commoner, and you would have to find work to support yourself. Whether you have the soul of a man or not, your body would not last long in the crystal mines. And were you to use your feminine wiles to make an income, I fear it would break your fierce pride like no other."
"I know, Father." My voice was barely a whisper. I knew how cruel the world could be to those from the houses who found themselves nameless. To be born in poverty was cruel enough, but to grow up knowing plenty only to find oneself with nothing was even worse. Many disinherited sons and daughters of the noble houses took their own lives within twelve months, wracked with shame and hunger and regret for the sin that cast them out. I would be safer if I could focus on my work and ignore my desires entirely, but I knew my heart's weakness for those with talent and skill, and feared I might be surrounded by temptation at the Institute.
"The coachman will take you to the Institute in the morning. Go in peace, Alyssa, and know—no matter what—that you shall always be my child and that I'm very proud of you."
I did flee, then, before my tears could spill and embarrass me in front of my father. It wouldn't do to be so vulnerable now, when I had eschewed my father's protection in order to take the hard path towards my dreams.
